INTERVIEW SERIES: Sandra

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT [edited for clarity]

Did you have a lot of friends growing up in Evansville?

Sandra: “Yes. One of my favorite friends was Patricia—she was African American—and our neighborhoods were segregated. Her neighborhood was right next to our neighborhood. There was a playground across the street from our house, and we’d all meet out on that playground. Patricia and I played together. We never…knew color. We didn’t care. We were there to play. And my parents, they grew up the same way. To [our family], it was simple: they were people, we were people. We didn’t understand why the segregation, but we didn’t question it, because it was the norm. At the time, we were children; we didn’t know anything about the Civil War, we didn’t have many books in our house ‘cause we couldn’t afford them, we didn’t go to the library ‘cause it was too far away, walking, and so we didn’t know about any unrest. We didn’t have TV.”

Did you have a radio?

S: “Yep.”

What kind of stuff did you listen to?

S: “Amos and Andy! My favorite show. And country music, and whatever the popular music was at the time. When the news came on, us kids went outside. That was too boring…we didn’t pay much attention to adults talking, in general. Who wants to listen to that when you could be outside, playing?”

Do you remember, when you were little, what you wanted to be when you grew up?

S: “I always said a nurse, but I just said that because of stories in books. You know, you go to the doctor, and you see the nurse, and she’s in her crisp white uniform, usually real pretty, and they take care of you and make you better. That was my little-girl point of view.”

But you stuck with it.

S: “Yeah. Once we got married, a friend of ours started talking to us about it. [Clyde was] an iron worker; that’s one of the most dangerous jobs there is. I thought, ‘gosh, I got four kids. I need something to fall back on.’ So I talked it over with [Clyde] and we decided it might be a good idea. And for that reason, they accepted me into the nursing program. In fact, at the end of the school year, one of the instructors told the class why they accepted each and every one of us. She said that the reason I gave her when she interviewed me is what got me in. [Apparently,] most girls said, ‘I like to help people,’ but I had a real reason, she said. I was sincere, I had a goal, and she said, ‘that got you in.’”

Did you enjoy being a nurse?

S: “Yeah, I did. On TV, you know, you see the glorious side of it—‘I saved his life,’ blah blah blah. Really, it’s a lot of hard work. A lot of work nobody else would do. And it took a toll on you, working three different shifts. The pay was good, but you didn’t have time to think about your pay; you had to think about your patients. I was satisfied with the care I gave, but there were times when I wish I could have done more. But sometimes it was God’s plan that I couldn’t do more for a patient, and it really took a toll. I got close to a lot of people; they tell you in nursing school you’re not supposed to, you’re supposed to leave your personal feelings at home. But you go in there and you see a ninety-year-old patient with no family, sick as a dog, and just wants somebody to hold their hand or hug them…”

That sounds like it would be tough. So, besides being a nurse, did you fulfill all the dreams you had when you were younger?

S: “I guess so. I didn’t dream much. At that time, for a girl after graduation, the general goal was to get married and have kids. Some girls went to college, but that was more for boys than girls. Girls were limited on what they could do, at the time. Things were very limited and gender-biased. In some ways, it’s upsetting because they’re still limited in some things; there’s still a pay difference, and some men in the work force have that attitude of, ‘what do you know? You’re a woman.’”

How have societal trends like those shifted since you first started out working? Or have you seen those shift in a more positive direction at all?

S: “Health-wise, there’s lots of progress [due to] the huge amount of research going on. There’s a lot of volunteerism, which I see a lot more today than I did growing up. Doctors Without Borders and a lot of the churches on their missions…things like that I’m really impressed with. And I would love to participate in those, but I don’t think my age and my health would let me do all the traveling. But I’m sure there’s something around here I could do. [As far as societal issues,] I don’t think kids today have the same respect for each other as they used to, you know? Nobody opens car doors for each other anymore. They don’t hold hands. And part of that is not their fault; it’s the crybaby parents’ fault. That doesn’t sound so mature, but I saw it as a school nurse. Those are the parents that say, ‘MY child wouldn’t do THAT,’ when their child is the bully. And then you realize why the child is the bully: because the parenting skills are just horrendous.”

How do you think that can be changed for the better?

S: “I don’t know…how can you teach some strong-willed, arrogant, biased person good parenting skills? There’s a lot of those out there. There are good people, too, but that’s just one of my pet peeves. [When a child breaks the rules,] don’t let things slide. Don’t ever say ‘my child would never do that.’ I never said my kids wouldn’t do something. I always said, ‘if my kids do something bad, I’ll be the one to [call them out] first.’”

That’s a solid parenting philosophy.

S: “It worked. The best advice I could give [my kids] was, ‘do unto them as you’d have them do unto you.’ Never mistreat others. I don’t care if you feel it’s justified, there’s other ways to handle things. Find out the truth before you act. And, I wasn’t perfect. I would jump the gun. I still do that. Matter of fact, this one lady, if she pulls in front of me one more time in that parking lot today…But it’s important to stop and think before you act. And don’t do what everybody else is doing; just cause they’re doing it doesn’t mean it’s right. You think about it: what’s the consequences?”

It sounds like you meant business.

S: “Yeah. I laid down the law. One time…so, [the kids] all collected Hot Wheels. Those were their prized possessions. The boys had them all arranged perfectly on their dresser, clean, dusted, all that. The rest of the room was a wreck. I’d tell them, ‘get this room cleaned up,’ over and over. And they wouldn’t listen. So one day, I just went in there and swept the Hot Wheels off the dresser. Boy, they started moving then. The room got cleaned up. But I felt so bad later, that I had did that to their Hot Wheels, cause that was their pride and joy. That was one thing we could afford that if they asked for, they got. I felt so bad.”

Did you apologize to them?

S: “No…there were times I did apologize to them for stuff, and explain to them why my actions were the way they were.”

I don’t know a whole lot of parents today who ever apologize to their kids. 

S: “It wasn’t very often.”

Were you really close with them?

S: “I think I’m more close with them now, emotionally. I mean, I always worried about them, but our lifestyle was so active that we didn’t have time for emotions. You know, if they hurt, you hurt, but I don’t think we showed it as much as we should have. I kind of regret that. I think we show it more now. But in a way, I’m kind of glad we weren’t more emotional, because they learned more life lessons on their own, and I think they remember those lessons better than by ‘Mom sayings’.”

How old were you when you had your firstborn?

S: “I was twenty and eleven months. And I was so scared. When I was little, my mom had a lot of kids, but we never paid attention to what Mom did with the babies, because we were busy with each other. There was a lot of life skills Mom didn’t get to teach us because of all the kids. I mean, she did what she was s’posed to do, and we did what kids do, and that was it. We were a happy family…we didn’t realize we were poor. We knew, at Christmas, we weren’t gonna get the popular item of the year, because our Santa Claus was broke. Their Santa Claus had more money than ours did. But one year, me and Reida got the popular doll, because that was the year Vickey was born on Christmas, and to make up for Mom not being there with us, they got us the popular doll. When she was older, Vickey said, ‘Well, I thought I was your favorite baby doll!’ And I said, ‘you were, Vick, but we couldn’t play with you!’

Any closing remarks?

S: “You know…I have a happy life. I’ve enjoyed it. There’s good times and bad times, but we’re all together, and that’s all I need.”