INTERVIEW SERIES: Jen

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT [edited for clarity]

Jen: “I always thought I’d be the author and illustrator of children’s books. Never thought I’d be [a math and science teacher] because math and science were not my thing, at all. They were hard for me. It wasn’t ’til I got to high school that I realized, ‘oh, no, doing hard things is actually okay.’ [That was] public school mentality: hard things, bad; easy things, good. When I got to high school I was like “whoa! Calculus is fun, even though it is hard!’ Definitely not my thing when I was younger, though.

I also loved fiction. In sixth grade, we had this fantastic sub, and she read The Outsiders to us every day. It really inspired me. And I wrote an entire fanfiction–an Outsiders subplot—an entire notebook’s worth. That was a big deal to sixth-grade me.

So, I loved to write and I loved fiction…oh! Humor has always been a big thing in my life, even up until now. You said you’re looking for common human traits? I think humor is something that binds us all. I mean, you don’t even have to speak the same language in order to bond through laughter. There’s lots of studies that show that it takes physical effort to not respond if someone’s joyful or laughing.

Hmm…what else. I was very shy when I was young. Super awkward, you know—weird short haircut, buck teeth. Raised in a pretty religious home. I don’t know if our church was a part of one specific denomination—it was just called a ‘Christian Church’—but that’s where we were, every Sunday. I usually went to the youth group every Sunday night. Eventually I joined the choir. So that was a big thing through middle school and high school.”

How has humor played a part in your life?

J: “I think it’s the tie that binds. And I think humor makes difficult conversation topics easier. I’m specifically remembering when I was maybe eleven or twelve, one of my favorite shows that I would watch with my mom was Roseanne. A lot of the themes that came up in those episodes were difficult themes, like abuse, having kids out of wedlock, struggling with having a low income. Things like that. And it was such a funny show—you could watch it and just roll laughing. I loved that show. But it also brought up a lot of conversation topics that would kind of get things going with my mom, and it was easier to talk about those things because it was a joke that would transition to something not quite that funny, but more deep and meaningful. I think it’s much easier to connect with people if you can laugh with them, and because you have that connection with them, it’s easier to go on to a deeper, more meaningful connection. Certainly the approach I’m taking with my students and with my children…I don’t know. Being able to laugh with someone is just another way of being able to love them. I see my job here to teach math, but I think the number one job of all teachers is to love their students. If nothing else, your children, your students, your coworkers, they should all feel welcome in your presence. Humor is a really easy and fun way to do that.”

How do you depend on other people?

J: “That is a good question, and one that I’ve grappled with a bit this past year. My children and their father and I have never really lived near biological family; his family lives in New York and mine lives in southern Ohio. We were relatively close when we were in Cleveland, but moving to St. Louis was a big step away from both [families]. So it’s definitely a matter of finding a family within your own environment; making your own family. I’ve been really lucky to find some really cool people—again, though the power of humor—[who have become] some really good family. And I think, too, just…being in the environment I am now…I’m just so lucky to work with the people that I work with because they feel like extended family. You know, this past year I got divorced, and one of my coworkers was so diligent about checking in on me and making sure I was okay, and laughing with me. When you feel like you can rely on someone for so long, and all of a sudden that ends, it can be very jarring. I’ve thought a lot this past year about the people I can rely on and the people I do rely on, and the people that I need to feel whole and healthy. Even though I don’t rely on them per se, my children are a necessity. They put such meaning in my life. Doing things for them is just a part of who I am, because I’ve been a mom for so long. It’s so a part of my identity, and that definitely plays into the way I teach as well. I think if you don’t have someone who relies on you, you lose a little bit of your meaning. Which isn’t to say I don’t have things I like to do on my own, but I feel more meaningful and more accomplished when [my kids] are around, and when other people are around, too.”

What enables you to open up to your students and care about them?

J: “I think it’s definitely easier to care for people when you feel cared for, yourself. So, that comes back to [the fact that] I have people in my life who make me feel cared for and supported. Just knowing that you have people there for you that you can go to and just kind of fall apart a little bit, better enables you to be there for other people. We actually just read this book over the summer called Daring Greatly; it’s about vulnerability, and how some people see it as a weakness when it’s actually not. Vulnerability is a way of opening up which leads to greater cohesiveness overall. I think what it basically comes down to is, if you can make yourself vulnerable, then it puts everyone else at ease. If one person makes a mistake, other people feel comfortable making mistakes and learning from them. I can’t even imagine being a perfectionist. That would be horrible for everybody, ‘cause then my students get the sense of ‘now I have to do it perfectly.’ So let’s just say I make mistakes on purpose for everyone to learn from.

Adolescents are just in this unique stage of life; they themselves are vulnerable. It can be easy some days to get frustrated with lack of focus or all the things that come from shifting identity. I just have to remember, all your brains are literally rewiring. The connection you made yesterday may not even be there anymore, through no fault of your own. You know? I guess I’ve just never met a person who wasn’t trying their best, all the time. They might not always be trying their best at math, or science, or P.E., but they’re trying their best at something. It’s just a matter of seeing what they’re trying their best at. Are they trying to be a good friend to someone right now? Are they brand new and just trying to figure it out here? Are they from a family that’s breaking and they’re just trying their best to get through the day? I don’t know…but I have yet to see a student that truly doesn’t care.”

If you were to sit down with yourself at age eighteen, what advice would you give her?

J: “Ooo…that’s a good one. I think younger me spent so much time trying to be the kind of person that was likable to everybody, that I think she sacrificed a lot of authenticity. I think she remained true to her values, but I think a lot of her energy was spent trying to be likable. And that’s okay—I think being likable is a necessary part of most careers and [human interactions]—but Dr. Austin has a term for that: ‘midwestern niceness.’ It’s just such a waste of energy. I would really encourage younger Jen to just speak her mind, and not worry about upsetting people because there’s a way to speak your mind frankly without being abrasive. I don’t think younger Jen knew that. [I would tell her] you can get to where you want to go so much faster and so much more efficiently if you can be honest with yourself, first and foremost. I don’t think younger Jen always was. She had some identity hang-ups of ‘I am “Christian”,’ whatever that means, or ‘I am a “good student”,’ whatever that means. She wasn’t challenged to think critically about herself as a person, or coached in a way that I see a lot of coaching here takes place, and I wish she had been. So I guess I’d encourage her to think very honestly about who she is and what she wants. If she can better articulate that with herself, then she can better articulate it with other people, without worrying about upsetting or offending someone.”