INTERVIEW SERIES: Abby

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT [edited for clarity]

What are some personality traits that you feel define you?

Abby: “I’m not very private with most of my friends, even friends that aren’t very close. I think I’m very open…open-minded, open-hearted, open-mouthed ‘cause I talk a lot. But I’d say [something that defines me] is my determination or my willingness to go after something that I aspire to do or be. There are so many things that I want for myself and for other people, and behind all that is the work it takes to get there. Sometimes I struggle with that. It can be something as little as cleaning my room or something as big as writing a big scholarship essay. It can be actually going into work on a day when I just don’t want to. I have a love-hate relationship with [determination]: sometimes I feel so confident in finishing a task, or a paper that I feel I did a really great job on; or sometimes I’ll feel horrible about something I know I didn’t put my full effort into and I wasn’t determined enough, even though I should have been.”

What are some things you’ve done in the intellectual or physical realms that you’re proud of?

A: “Tennis is a big one. When I started, I would swing and miss the ball. But [over four years] I worked my way up to where I was. Being the captain and head of the team was something so big for me because I’m not good at any other sport.

[Another one] is Truman; getting in and getting the scholarship was a big deal for me. I’m proud of those as things I’ve done recently. As for things I’ve done in the past…I was afraid of dogs, but then [I overcame that fear when] we got Winston! Speaking of which, let me show you this picture my dad sent out of Winston and Erin and I. I found a quote to go with it: ’We should always have old memories and young hopes’. That’s a good thing to remember in general, actually. It’s important to realize you always have your memories, so there isn’t any point in living in the past because it’ll always be there. The point is to make new memories.”

How would you advise someone to use their memories productively instead of using them to stay stuck in the past?

A: “I would say, you can use them to look back on things you’ve accomplished. Let’s say you’re struggling with something [in the present] and you think you’ll never get it done—you can [look back and] think about what you already have done. Memories can be used for so many situations, such as to remind yourself of something happy.

It’s important to not dwell on them in general, but there’s a time to. I think of dwelling on memories as something you would do if you were grieving a loss. When that’s the case, obviously you don’t want to just say you’re over it, but at one point you can look at those memories, and instead of being sad, they’ll be happy. That’s the goal. Everyone wants to grow old with as many pleasant memories as possible, so trying to turn around any negative ones as best you can—or [if the memory itself can’t be turned around,] focusing on the lessons it taught you, and how it made you able to help other people. A lot of times, the best way to help yourself is to help other people first.”

If you were to meet your younger self—let’s say, your sophomore self—and sit down to talk to her, what kind of stuff would you tell her to help get her through what she was going through?

A: “I would [tell her], ‘you are worth more than you believe you are.’ I would also probably say to go for it more. I was still timid back then—that’s when it started to change—and I would just say, ‘throw yourself at whatever you secretly really want. Just go for it, in anything—work, school, relationships, friendships, eating that cheeseburger that’s staring at you…anything.’

I guess I don’t have anything super profound…but maybe emphasizing the quote from earlier, the ‘we should always have old memories and young hopes’, ‘cause you can apply that to so many situations. It’s not just about memories and hopes; it’s about your entire future, how you never know what’s going to happen, and how you shouldn’t be looking back. If you [spend too much time] looking in the past, you’re going to get blindsided by the future.”